Six months ago my son, Trek, died. In honor of his memory the book inspired by him, Following After Trek, is free for the day (available here). Chelsea and I have often dreamed of his story getting out to the world. He was such an incredible boy and touched so many lives. Please share this information with as many people as you can so that his story can reach the world.
Sometimes it feels strange promoting a book about my son’s life. A book that he will never read as he is gone. Tonight we watched the movie Life of Pi. At one point during the film, the main character, Pi loses his family. He sat in the rain, crying out in pain at the loss. I knew just how he felt. I wish I didn’t, but I do. I didn’t have to imagine or wonder because six months ago, my son died. I have been living in a state of loss ever since.
Chelsea made a post a few days ago about Christmas a year ago. It was before we knew that Trek was sick and going to die. We didn’t know that, for him, that Christmas would be his last. Or that it would be the only Christmas we shared with him. As I read her post, I was filled with a mixture of joy and sadness. Joy because how wonderful my family is and sadness that this Christmas will be without Trek.
I find myself feeling morose at Trek’s absence this holiday season. We are still going to have fun and spend time together as a family, but no matter what ,Trek won’t be there. And it’s not just this Christmas, he won’t be there for every Christmas for the rest of our lives. It seems silly in that Trek wont be there. That all of my sons won’t be sitting around a tree. That my baby is gone.
No matter what I do, Christmas carols don’t sound as warm. Part of me views my memories for what they are: priceless moments with my son. Sometimes the line between happy recollections gets blurred with the pain of the present. Because with each happy memory or photo is the reminder for what can never be again.
The challenge is wanting anything as bad as I wanted it before. I am a driven man, but I have to confess that after losing Trek, sometimes finding meaning is a challenge. I know what I’m supposed to feel or think. I remember my motivations and desires before his death. They are still there, but they experienced through a filter of loss that leaves me feeling hollow.
I want to have a Merry Christmas, but how merry can it be without Trek? I want to succeed in following my dreams and becoming a world renown, successful author, but how can I measure success without my whole family there to appreciate it.
Moving on is out of the question. I will never move on from the loss of my son. I would venture to guess that no one who has lost a child ever finds themselves free of that pain. If they are anything like me, they don’t want to be free of it. The pain keeps Trek alive and real. Without it, he would be like any other past acquaintance. Transformed into a distant memory, only retrievable by seeing an old photograph or by some other pneumonic trigger. I don’t what that for my son; I don’t want that for me. But I didn’t want him to die either. I suppose there are some things where what I want doesn’t matter much.
Following After Trek was part of my grieving process. It is the story of his life and combined with a dream of where I hope he is now. It would mean a great deal if you would help me share his story with the world. If you’d like to help share his story, you can do it in the following ways:
- Share the free link for Following After Trek on Facebook
- Tell your friends about Following After Trek
- Read Following After Trek
Thank you in advance to all who help. It really means a lot.
Until next time,
I own a hard copy, Nook copy and now a Kindle copy. I carry Trek and the family with me everywhere I go (and in my heart, too).
Thanks Nancy. I appreciate all you are doing. I’ll have to make a special name for someone like you who has all three versions of the book. 🙂
I love you J-Rock and think of you just as often as my sister..I hate this for all of you. I’m so sorry. I know your beautiful book will reach many! Cannot wait to see it unfold more.
thanks amanda. Love you too
I posted it on all my sites. I hope there are a lot of downloads.
Love you all,
Thanks mom, love you.
Thank so much tor telling Trek’s story. I have been waiting to order this book for my Kindle and will tell all my friends and family to get your book can’t wait to read it.
Jarrett – I am so sorry this has happened to you, your family, your world. I dont know how you could be anything but morose (I feel it, and I’ve never met any of you, I feel bad always writing sad things to you guys). I’m not in your shoes, but I have wondered if it is easier for Trek, that he gets to smile down from Heaven, in a happy place. I do not know, it wasnt fair for ANY of you. Please know my entire family is holding you in our hearts. My children wanted to say hello to your kids. I have posted on Facebook, written to my mom’s groups and RSS feeds. And when my heart finds the strength you already show (whether you know it or not)…I will read your book. I need to stop crying first. I truly dont know how you guys do it, but your strength amazes me. Trek is in so many of our hearts because you DO keep him alive.
Thanks Meg, I truly appreciate it.
Is there any way to get it on an ipad? Is there a kindle app?
Yes, there is a kindle app. Download it and then the book is available on the kindle store.
Thanks for sharing your feelings! I love the post!
thinking of you guys on Christmas…I hope there are lots of smiles.
Jarrett, I just finished “Following After Trek” and I have to say you did an incredible job! I hate WHY you wrote your first book, don’t get me wrong, but the content, going back and forth between your family’s story and your dream was brilliant. I love your characters in Second Life, the pursuit, and especially the banter. And, without giving it away to any of your readers who may read my comment after me, the latter part…I get it. Totally. Whether it was real or symbolic for your book, I get it and love both your hearts all the more. My love to Chelsea and Bravo on your first piece, Jarrett!
Thanks Adrian! It truly means more than you will ever know when I find out what someone thinks of my book. I appreciate it and couldn’t agree more with what you said. I would rather have no stories to tell and Trek for one second. Good to hear from you,
thinking of you today, Jarrett. I am so very sorry you have ever had to know the pain of the last year. You are in my thoughts.
lately I have thought of telling you we need another post. Then I saw something about how many hours you work…then how early you start your day (and perhaps write, in addition to a long work week? maybe not). Not going to bug you about posting here!! Besides, it is nice to come here and see the Free Day for Trek and think about Trek some more (I already think of him and you guys more than my own family can understand!). Just **keep up the good work**!
loved the book, Jarrett…thank you!